In his own words鈥�
My whole life, I’ve always joked that I want to live forever. My wife is like, 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 actually want to live forever.鈥� No, I think I do. I do want to live forever.
I’m a fairly risk-averse person. [My wife] once asked me why I didn鈥檛 drink or do drugs or any of those things in high school. I wasn鈥檛 a total misanthrope, but my dream high school night was going to the YMCA and playing basketball. When I saw other people drinking and doing drugs and experimenting, I saw why there was an appeal for that, but I also saw that there’s an inherent danger, too. I don’t ski for that reason 鈥� I’m afraid of falling down on my wrist or arm or something like that.
I鈥檓 a very curious person, too; maybe risk averse, but curious. I had a pretty eclectic personality in high school, and my friends were from wildly different groups and backgrounds.聽
I didn鈥檛 skateboard, but I had friends who skateboarded. I had friends who were deep metal heads, and I love metal music, but I also loved rap music and rock bands like Weezer. I also had friends with no money whatsoever. My best friend Richer, Joshua Richer (I was friends with, like, all the Josh鈥檚鈥� it was the ’90s) I鈥檇 pick him up every day because he had no money to do anything. And then I had friends who were super wealthy.
I had a pretty eclectic personality in high school, and my friends were from wildly different groups and backgrounds.聽
It wasn鈥檛 like, 鈥淥h, I鈥檓 a skate rat now,鈥� but I wore a lot of different hats, socially. I enjoyed being able to navigate different social circles like a social chameleon 鈥� I鈥檇 become a slightly different person, subconsciously.
Looking back on it now, everybody in high school was trying to sort themselves out, trying to find a niche. Maybe my niche was a little bit of a lack of niche.
Some kids were actually very good at coming in with their own style. That鈥檚 the beauty of the dress code versus the uniform: you could see them and the choices they made to wear a polka dot bow tie versus a Tommy Hilfiger jacket.聽
The kid across the street from me went to the same high school, two years older. My mom asked his mom what kids typically wear to school. 鈥淲ell, kids typically wear khaki pants, a buttoned-down shirt and a blue blazer.鈥� And so my mom bought me lots of khaki pants, shirts and blue blazers.聽
She was trying to protect me. She didn鈥檛 want me to be the kid who showed up in the polka dot bow tie, and I stuck to that, you know? Not saying I didn’t have a style because I’m sure I carved something out in high school, but it was pretty close to what everybody else looked like.
I did little things, an earring being one. Piercing my ears was a little bit of rebellion because you weren鈥檛 allowed to have pierced ears in my all-boys Catholic school. I did it over the summer so that during the school day, I could take it out. I would put it in the back of a tie. Ring ring, three o鈥檆lock would come. I鈥檇 put it back on. If I got my ears pierced and I didn鈥檛 like it, I could take it out. It鈥檒l go away, right?聽
I enjoyed being able to navigate different social circles like a social chameleon 鈥� I鈥檇 become a slightly different person, subconsciously.
I don’t know what’s holding me back. I’m a fearful person. If I live forever, what do I have to be afraid of?聽
Don鈥檛 get me wrong, I鈥檓 very lucky. I鈥檝e met amazing people, I鈥檝e had a great relationship 鈥� I鈥檓 not unhappy with the way my life has played out. But I feel like there鈥檚 so much more, and yet I鈥檓 so afraid of that more. I鈥檓 at a point in my life where I鈥檓 a little regretful of missed opportunities.聽
My wife鈥檚 like, 鈥淟et鈥檚 go on a ski trip next year. You can learn.鈥� 鈥�Or, I can just skip right to apres-ski,鈥� I said. Why don鈥檛 I learn to ski? It鈥檚 not a big deal 鈥� I can learn with my daughter. But it鈥檚 not an instinct for me.
My three friends and I were talking about a scenario where you鈥檙e going on a long trip, and your kid throws up right before you鈥檙e going to leave. Consensus. All three of them were like, 鈥淲e鈥檇 go on the trip. What鈥檚 the worst that can happen?鈥澛�
鈥淚 think I鈥檇 go home,鈥� I said. 鈥淚 think I鈥檇 be afraid.鈥澛�
I鈥檓 scared. I鈥檓 very scared of death.聽
I don鈥檛 live my life in fear of it; I don鈥檛 wake up in the morning thinking I鈥檓 going to die. I don鈥檛 live my life paralyzed, but I feel the clock ticking. It鈥檚 somewhere lurking, something going, 鈥淗ow much time do I have left?鈥� If I鈥檓 going to live forever, maybe I鈥檒l get to do those things, or maybe I鈥檒l be that different person at some point.
I鈥檓 scared. I鈥檓 very scared of death.
My daughter and I just had a daddy鈥揹aughter weekend because my wife was out of town, and my daughter said something like, 鈥淢y favorite thing is being lazy.鈥� That really wounded me. 鈥淵ou’re not lazy, as in, you’re adventurous and brave.鈥� I want to feed her that 苍补谤谤补迟颈惫别.听
I want my daughter to be a risk-taker. I have taken risks in my life, but it鈥檚 taken great prompting by other people 鈥� I would never naturally take that leap into the void.聽
When I was in my early twenties, it was my first time ever going to a casino with my girlfriend at the time. I played blackjack, and I won a lot of money 鈥� something like $500. As we鈥檙e walking out of the casino, I turned to my then-girlfriend and said, 鈥淲hat would happen if we put money on the roulette table? What if we put it on 17 black? It鈥檚 my favorite number and my favorite color.鈥澛�
She鈥檚 like, 鈥淣o, you probably shouldn鈥檛 do that.鈥� I had never planned on coming back to this casino ever in my life, and I鈥檓 like, 鈥淲e should just stay and watch.鈥� We watch. Ding ding ding ding ding! 17 black.聽
Years later, I ended up in this casino randomly鈥� it was only my third time at a casino. My friend and I played blackjack and this time I lost like 50 bucks. He went, 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 we play roulette one time, and we鈥檒l split the winnings. We鈥檒l put all the money on black.鈥澛�
鈥淢aybe we should put it on 17 black,鈥� I said, but he was like 鈥淣o, let鈥檚 just put it on black.鈥� Tick tick tick tick tick! 17 black.
